


Choices

by WalkingInland



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, POV Jamie, missing moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 14:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20490113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingInland/pseuds/WalkingInland
Summary: Jamie Fraser struggles with the truth of his wife's past, and makes several decisions that could change both of their lives forever.A missing moment from "The Devil's Mark."





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> This snippet takes place in "The Devil's Mark," after Claire has told Jamie about the stones and where she comes from, and immediately after it fades to black as he's holding her.
> 
> Many many thanks to @smashing-teacups for looking this over and fixing it up for me!

_ How could it be true? How on earth was he supposed to believe this? _   
  
He had heard her proclamation ( _ I’m from the future _ ), told her almost on impulse that he believed her. There was supposed to be a truth between them, and he knew that there was a fundamental honesty that ran deep and strong in their relationship — in their bond — that had begun long before their hasty marriage. And after listening to her explain her past, her history ( _ could it be called history if it hadn’t happened yet? _ ), his first instinct was to reassure her. To hold her and tell her that  _ of course _ he believed her, to make a wee joke to lighten her heart.

God, he  _ wanted so desperately  _ to believe her. 

He could accept another explanation.  _ Any _ other explanation. Granted, he had seen some odd things in his young life, but  _ this… _ This was too much.  _ Wasn’t it? _

He was a Scot, after all. He had been fed fantastic stories of spirits, monsters, and fairies his whole life. They were a part of the fabric of this land and therefore a part of him.  _ But it wasn’t real. _

He knew what was real. This woman in his arms was real. The brown hair curled against his cheek and under his fingers was real.

The look of relief mingled with fear as she told him her tale.

The tears that dripped down her face.

The marks on her back.

The trembling that had started through her bones when they had gotten away from Cranesmuir, and that only now was beginning to slow as he held her.

The utter honesty and openness that he had never before seen in her eyes.

The fact that he loved her with every bit of his body and soul.

Those things were real.

_ But this… _

It would explain so much. Her uncommon bold way of speaking. The way she walked into a room like she owned it. The odd words she used, and how she seemed strangely uncertain of common customs. How she had wept so bitterly over her lost husband.

Her husband...

He wasn’t dead. Claire had fallen through the stones, out of her husband’s arms and into Jamie’s.

And if Jamie were to believe this, that would mean that Frank… That Claire…

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what that would mean.

Life was a series of choices. He knew that. He knew that he made choices every day that could affect the course of his life.

_ But this choice. _

With this choice to believe her -  _ for that was what it was _ \- there was no proof she could give, no way to show that the fantastical tale was true. But he could choose. He could decide now, he could take that leap and choose to trust her. 

It would change everything.

But then again, she already had changed everything. He loved her. There was no going back now, choice or no.

He was a Fraser; heads hard as rocks, every one. He could muscle through the sheer impossibility of  _ time travel for God’s sake _ if it was for her. He was willing to do much worse than that, if he was honest with himself.

Very well then. That would be his choice. To believe her, to trust in the word of one wee Sassenach lass and throw everything he thought he knew to the wayside. And he realized that it hadn’t really been a choice in the end. He loved her. So that was that.

He loved her. And he had begun to suspect that she might possibly —_ by some miracle from God above _— love him back.

It wasn’t right, that he should keep her here. He knew that. After their marriage he had given her the choice to live separately. It had broken him to even offer her that life apart, but she had a right to choose her own path, and he had no desire to force her into a marriage she didn’t want.  _ But things were different now. _ It wasn’t even right to give her a choice in this. He was her husband, he could take that burden upon himself. He could set her free.

Free to go  _ home _ .

He had wanted to take her home so badly. Show her Lallybroch. Introduce her to Ian and Jenny. Be a true Laird with his Lady beside him. Become parents together. Grandparents even, in some misty future far beyond his sight. He had carefully constructed an entire dream world just for them, a place where they could live in peace together and build a home.

But that home was not to be.

He knew what he had to do. It was the only true option open to him. He had to send her back. This wasn’t her home, not really. No matter how much he wished otherwise. He could set down this world he had made, though he did not think he would ever be able to take it apart.

She had made a commitment in her life that predated him, and it was his responsibility as her husband to help her honor it, even if it meant ripping his heart out to do it.

_ But what was he supposed to do with this love? _

She had come bursting into that cabin and into his soul, cursing and knocking down barriers on her way. He would never be the same, he knew that. If he were to lose her, to send her back to her home, he would always hold her in his heart — secret and safe and protected, even if he couldn’t hold her in his arms.

Her tears had quieted now and she had finally relaxed a bit, the burden of secrets finally lifted. As Jamie shifted them around to a more comfortable position, shushing her, telling her to rest her head, he began to plan for their journey. Not to Lallybroch. But to the stone circle.

The weight of Claire’s head on his lap was a comfort that broke his heart

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
